Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
