I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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