u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
