And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
