Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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