i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
