She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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