$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.