This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
