how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
