Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
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