I accidentally burped into my bong.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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