Walk of Shame. In a state park.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You made out with two different species that night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
