After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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