WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
