Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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