hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
