Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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