i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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