I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
