you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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