dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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