I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
