If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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