Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
