everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I stole a fireplace last night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Randomize
