I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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