Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
