if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
