she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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