I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
