Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
