So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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