Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
