everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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