I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
