curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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