Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize