Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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