Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
