I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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