I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
