You made me cry and you don't even care
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
