I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
