You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
