yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dick very happy bro
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
