There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think I sprained my soul last night
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
