I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
