There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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