Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
