I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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