He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
