Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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