he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
