Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
