i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Randomize
