i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
