saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
