The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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