Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
This girl is more easily done than said...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
