The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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