I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
