My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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