When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
