they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
