I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
