I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
