So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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