I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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