I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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