you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
